Where I partake of more naughty foodstuffs

I bought doritos today, at the grocery store.

So terrible! I don’t suppose I can use Stephen Colbert as an excuse?

Anyway, so yes, I stopped on the way home and picked up a few supplies.

Before the separation, I was always in a hurry to get home, even though once we got here there wasn’t really anything exciting to do. I suppose the immediate objective was the ability to relax. Which I often did, instead of making dinner, or making out, or any of the other things that a young couple is supposed to do. Melissa was more responsible and would do things like paying bills or cooking something simple for dinner, but she was often in a hurry to get to relaxing too, and in a hurry to get home.

Now that I’m alone, I still feel that impulse, that drive to achieve the goal of relaxing after a day of work, even though there really isn’t much relaxing that gets done, or even anything to get home to. When I’m at home, alone, I just feel a tension that stems from a combination of loneliness and restlessness. This tension can be suppressed by interacting with people online, or doing a little bit of work on the house, but it never goes away. I hope this is just how single guys are supposed to feel.

I hope it’s just momentum that keeps me from wanting to be out in the world, meeting my responsibilities and meeting new friends, and that as that momentum is eaten away by the single life, I’ll feel like coming home is a choice, not a goal. That’s the way I want to feel. It’s probably the way I wanted to feel before the separation as well, and I need to learn from that.

Anyway, doritos go great with tuna sandwiches, FYI.

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One Response

  1. Maybe try NOT going home? Then you can see that you have other options, and therefore going home really is a choice. Find some interesting looking event after work and go to it. You don’t have to do it to meet people, just to do something interesting not at home.

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