A Confluence of Stress

I was very stressed out this week: more stressed out than anyone should ever have to be.

It started this weekend.  I was very sick with a cold or flu or some sort of sore throat thing, but I foolishly still decided to engage in a number of social events:  a play on Friday night and the Maryland Rennaissance Festival on Sunday.  The worst day of sickness was on Saturday, which was lucky since I didn’t have anything scheduled then.  However, Sunday was almost as bad and at the Rennfest, it rained and I got soaking wet.  This probably didn’t help matters.

It takes me about a week, at least, to get fully better when I get sick.  So the sickness remains today.  Another stressful thing that’s going on is that at work, we have a project that is very important to get done quickly and correctly.  I’m not too worried I won’t be able to handle my part, but it means less time spent dealing with the other things that are causing me strife.

I will get around to the main thing that’s really bothering me, I promise, I just have to finish up some of the smaller things first.  My SmarTrip card, which I use to pay for the Metro and the bus and which essentially makes my commute run smoothly, broke.  So I have to get a new one, which isn’t so hard, and then I have to get the balance transferred over, which is incredibly hard and time-consuming and annoying.  I am spending extra money on my commute because of this problem, and things are not going smoothly for me.

The real problem, though, the thing that had me shaking and pale and barely able to stand up on a few different occasions this week is that my divorce papers were delivered.  That wasn’t really the problem, though; I was expecting them and ready to work on them.  But when they came, I had a few questions and concerns and when I tried to talk to Melissa about it she shut me out.  We e-mailed back and forth, but she wouldn’t talk to me on the phone or IM about it, and it really baffled me.

Even in our separation we have generally maintained a cordial tone and what I thought was mutual respect, but this confrontational attitude I was running into really paralyzed me.  Luckily I had my Dad help me through it and I got everything finished and sent off today.  I didn’t get to talk to Melissa about it, but I just accepted her decision not to do so even though I can’t understand it.

Last night I was the most stressed out I have ever been in my life, and I don’t want it to happen again.  Then, when I was getting ready for bed, her boyfriend called me to talk about the papers.  Up until this point, we had never spoken, so it surprised me, but I told him to check their e-mail because I had already sent off what I was going to sign.  He said he would call me back but he never did.  I stayed awake for about an extra half hour wondering if he would call or not and whether I would get the chance to actually talk to *someone* about what I was signing and its implications and possibly get a message to Melissa that everything would be okay.  It was tough to get to sleep, but I finally did.

Hopefully these stresses are waning.  I feel better today now that the papers are sent off and there’s nothing I need to do or even can do.  I am getting better healthwise, and I should be able to buckle down on the work I need to do.  I haven’t been blogging much; sorry about that, but it tends to come in waves.

I hope everyone’s having a better, less stressful week than me.


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