A Confluence of Stress

I was very stressed out this week: more stressed out than anyone should ever have to be.

It started this weekend.  I was very sick with a cold or flu or some sort of sore throat thing, but I foolishly still decided to engage in a number of social events:  a play on Friday night and the Maryland Rennaissance Festival on Sunday.  The worst day of sickness was on Saturday, which was lucky since I didn’t have anything scheduled then.  However, Sunday was almost as bad and at the Rennfest, it rained and I got soaking wet.  This probably didn’t help matters.

It takes me about a week, at least, to get fully better when I get sick.  So the sickness remains today.  Another stressful thing that’s going on is that at work, we have a project that is very important to get done quickly and correctly.  I’m not too worried I won’t be able to handle my part, but it means less time spent dealing with the other things that are causing me strife.

I will get around to the main thing that’s really bothering me, I promise, I just have to finish up some of the smaller things first.  My SmarTrip card, which I use to pay for the Metro and the bus and which essentially makes my commute run smoothly, broke.  So I have to get a new one, which isn’t so hard, and then I have to get the balance transferred over, which is incredibly hard and time-consuming and annoying.  I am spending extra money on my commute because of this problem, and things are not going smoothly for me.

The real problem, though, the thing that had me shaking and pale and barely able to stand up on a few different occasions this week is that my divorce papers were delivered.  That wasn’t really the problem, though; I was expecting them and ready to work on them.  But when they came, I had a few questions and concerns and when I tried to talk to Melissa about it she shut me out.  We e-mailed back and forth, but she wouldn’t talk to me on the phone or IM about it, and it really baffled me.

Even in our separation we have generally maintained a cordial tone and what I thought was mutual respect, but this confrontational attitude I was running into really paralyzed me.  Luckily I had my Dad help me through it and I got everything finished and sent off today.  I didn’t get to talk to Melissa about it, but I just accepted her decision not to do so even though I can’t understand it.

Last night I was the most stressed out I have ever been in my life, and I don’t want it to happen again.  Then, when I was getting ready for bed, her boyfriend called me to talk about the papers.  Up until this point, we had never spoken, so it surprised me, but I told him to check their e-mail because I had already sent off what I was going to sign.  He said he would call me back but he never did.  I stayed awake for about an extra half hour wondering if he would call or not and whether I would get the chance to actually talk to *someone* about what I was signing and its implications and possibly get a message to Melissa that everything would be okay.  It was tough to get to sleep, but I finally did.

Hopefully these stresses are waning.  I feel better today now that the papers are sent off and there’s nothing I need to do or even can do.  I am getting better healthwise, and I should be able to buckle down on the work I need to do.  I haven’t been blogging much; sorry about that, but it tends to come in waves.

I hope everyone’s having a better, less stressful week than me.


Out Sick Today

I didn’t go into work today because of a cough and a terrible sore throat.  This is how pretty much all sicknesses start for me, and I know that if I don’t get enough rest on the first day, a 2 day cold can become a 7 day cold.  Hopefully I did get enough rest and relaxation today.

I’ve been trying to keep very busy lately, going out a lot and being social, so being sick might be a nice break from that.  I still have things to do though, I’m having an Open House on Sunday at my house and Saturday I might be in a parade (if I’m not too sick).

I’m thinking I probably picked this bug up on the Metro.  I usually get sick when I travel, on planes for example, and the Metro seems like the only likely place I could have gotten infected.  It really sucks when you get to Hawaii or the Caribbean and you’re sick from the plane.  I might need to buy one of those masks.

Anyway, that’s the current status.  Hopefully I’ll be better by Monday.


Right now is a pretty rough time in my life.  In fact, I think there has only been one time I had it rougher:  when I was young, 7 or 8, I was in the hospital for a few months for renal failure.  I have very little memory of it, but I know it was tough on me and everyone around me.

It seems like most of the people I know have or have had at least one disease that is serious in their life history.  This is mine.  The lasting effects are negligible, just some medicine-controlled high blood pressure and a slight recommendation to watch my sodium and protein intake.  But it was a very acute disease at the time, with treatments including dialysis, steroids, and chemotherapy.

I guess I’m writing this post to help out people who are searching for hope because they or a member of their family have this disease.  My understanding is that most people who had it as bad as I did didn’t pull through, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.  Twenty years of my life are living proof of that.

One anecdote I remember from the time was this:  I was having a hard time keeping down any food that I was eating.  I don’t remember if this was during the first stages of the disease or the chemotherapy, but I was not able to eat without vomiting.  My family asked the doctor if we could order a pizza, and he said it was fine, since I wasn’t going to be able to keep it down (pizza is very high in sodium and sodium is filtered by the kidneys, so too much is apparently bad).  So, anyway, I ate 3/4 of a medium cheese pizza with no problems.  Therefore my nausea must have been caused by the hospital food!

I still google my doctor now and again to see what he is up to, and if somehow my case was published in some journal somewhere.  If it was, I have yet to find it.

I remember one person who worked with kids at the hospital who helped me draw pictures of space and planets and things.  I don’t know if I even remember her name, though I think it might have been Allison or Andrea.  Remembering that makes me want to do good for other people like she did.

A special thanks to everyone who visited me when I was sick.  I probably don’t even remember many of you, but you helped me and helped make me who I am, and I am very appreciative.